Day 6

Why can I not remember? Why?! So stressful. So frustrating. It's making me go mad! The temptation, the torture, the schedule... frustration. Her going into the bed, the bed in the basement, the bed against the wall. Prostitution... I couldn't. Oh, the illegal thought-crime I could get myself into right now. What a shame. The eroticism... the enemy, within and outside of a marriage. Sexual intercourse... be said of such horror and disgusting operation? a horror of the natural body? I do not understand. Oh Katherine... how long has it been? 8-10 years ago? Only 15 months... No divorce. No children. Your forcefulness to schedule our love, to schedule the baby, to schedule the process. What lust, what irony. 50 years old? old... Gray hair, what was that? I did the same as I usually did, and yet no child. Desire is of thought-crime? Must we become robots I sit here and destroy the Party policy.